Fitting In

I always find it a compliment when my husband's family, essentially my only family around here, think of me as one of them. My step-father-in-law once told me that, apart from the color of my skin, I seem to be as Hotdish as everybody else. I fit in. I eat what they eat, although not with much excitement as everyone else in the family when served with ham and potatoes at Easter (I mean, where's the lechon?). I am modern, much more tech savvy than most of the adults, more up-to-date. I wear make-up, high heels, hooker boots. They might have thought then that when Soccer Tatay met someone from a third world country, that third world country girl would be one who couldn't drive, couldn't understand the language, nor will be understood. Like a lass from a barrio -- a really really far-flung barrio. But I turned out to be as first world as, well, third world country folks who grew up on McDonalds, MTV, the mall, CNN, Ally McBeal and Friends. So I eat potatoes instead of rice, eat hotdogs and hamburger for lunch, not for merienda. Last night I had a tilapia fillet sandwich, with horseradish sauce and ketchup, instead of a whole tilapia with head, fried crunchy, with toyo and Datu Puti as sawsawan, with hot hot rice.

But my fitting in has bugged me since I read mamazilla's post on filipinamoms about what she does to teach her kids their Filipino heritage. I would never have thought of making a flip book of native costumes and such. Never would have thought about asking my mother to send miniature kalesas and jeepneys so my kids know what they are. Sad thing is, when I volunteered with the UNESCO in Seoul many years back teaching Korean kids Filipino culture, I would wear a kimona and saya to class. I even had a malong I would demonstrate how to wear to Korean high school students. I researched hours on end about our history, our native legends and stories, took a long subway ride to the only Filipino store in the city to get balut...

No more. My kids eat rice when it's served, which isn't a lot. They would try chorizo, when I have them, which is on New Year's day. Our "comfort food" at home is Korean kalbi and bulgogi with lots of side dishes, not adobo. Not sinigang. Not tinolang manok.

So, do I start making more Filipino food, making Spam and rice for breakfast? Should I speak more Bisaya at home? Should I get Filipino books online? Should I teach them how to count in Tagalog, at least? Do I really have to work that hard to teach them their other cultural half? Can I just use curse words and talk to their lola in Bisaya, cook Filipino dishes when I want to, go to Filipino cultural shows when I want to? Can I just fit in, lose more of this darn accent day by day, live like every other family in the block?

Would my kids care when they're old enough? Does it matter?